Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Most Important Relationship

I have a friend who yearns for a relationship and believes that only when he finds it will he then be truly happy and complete. And he is not alone. I’ve heard too many people expressing the same sentiment and searching for that special someone to salvage their lives and bring it to next level. So far the search has been elusive and brought mixed and sometimes unexpected results – not the heavenly bliss that they envisage and had hoped for

  It’s about
 Falling in love with 
Yourself and 
Sharing that love 
With someone who 
Appreciates you, 
Rather than looking 
For love to 
Compensate for a 
Self love deficit 


 The most important relationship to have is the one that you have with yourself and then GOD. But the topic on GOD is too big and will be dealt with on another blog post. I will instead concentrate on the relationship we have with ourselves.

 You have to be your own best friend. You have to enjoy and relish your own company. Nobody can affect you as much as you can. That said, the most important relationship to have is the one that you have with yourself. The book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay was instrumental in my journey to self-love.

 I have nurtured and cultivated a warm and supportive relationship with myself. I want to be my own best friend. That was the goal. It wasn’t always that way in the beginning. Like everyone, I have my shortcomings. However I’ve learnt to love myself, warts and all.

 We are not equal in terms of talents and abilities but we are equal in the eyes of GOD. In terms of soul language, no one soul is more worthy than another soul. We are here in this world for some special purpose and learning. I am aware of my worth, my unique contribution and special place in this world.

 With this self-love comes confidence, the confidence to be who I am with no apology. I love the freedom to be who I am - the ability to express myself freely and act in a way that is real and authentic. It sets me FREE.

 And one more thing, be POSITIVE.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I Want What Life Wants!

How can one possibly argue with this?? Everything is Life and Life is everything. How can one not want what life wants?

Well, apparently, most people, myself included resist what fate has in store for us. I have my fair share of love-hate relationship with fate.

I have found out that Life gets easier, if not less painful if I Want What Life Wants. I have not always wanted what Life wanted for me and how I suffered for it. I have learned to accept with grace the “good” and the “bad” events of my life. But the lesson is never learned all at once, we will always be tested until the lesson is fully learned in body, mind and spirit. Till today, I’m still tested in my wanting what Life wants

The year 2010 and the beginning of 2011 was a challenging period for me. There were the unexpected career changes and I’ve lost some dear friends along the way. And then there were some.

I mulled over the wisdom of those events. I was not always able to convince myself that it was all for the best. It may not be for the best. It could be for the worst. It would, however be a period of consolidation, reflection and review of what is important. At the deepest of my core, I know that these challenges will only make me stronger, wiser and better. An all new improved version of me will emerge, only if I accept those hard times with grace. My fortunes and situation may have changed but my eternal soul will always remain intact.

I have always wished and prayed for all things “good” but negative events have their place in our evolution

I asked for strength...
And GOD gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom...
And God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity...
And God gave me brains and the strength to work.
I asked for courage...
And God gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for love...
And God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors...
And God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.
My Prayer has been answered.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Seeking Happiness? Try JOY instead, and travel inwards.

I have always asserted that as long as my action makes me happy and does not harm anyone, it is good enough for me. In fact it has been the guiding principal for almost all of my decisions. I have always been seeking things that make me happy. Until now that is.

The very thing that causes me to be happy will ultimately bring me unhappiness. A life partner may bring me immeasurable happiness and pleasures but will also lead me to untold disappointments and unhappiness. Love can wither and die. Unhappiness takes over, to put it mildly.

Moreover, happiness is caused by external factors. It is dependent on something to happen or not to happen. That I think is too big a gamble for me. I don’t want to be held ransom by that. I want something more lasting and deeper than fleeting happiness that will ultimately cause me unhappiness.

Eckhart Tolle played a major role in shaping my thoughts on this issue. Happiness is not the ultimate goal. JOY is. My definition of JOY is when you have established a deep connection with GOD and LIFE (they are one and the same), and found the quiet, peaceful space within. So the journey inwards is the key. It is the knowing that whatever happens, I am still intact at the very core of which I am i.e. my soul.

I want what LIFE wants. This is the ultimate surrender and acceptance that I have adopted as my mantra. However, I will be lying if I were to say that this is easy. It is anything but. I struggle with it daily but the good news is that it gets better with each passing day. Sure there will be bad days, they will soon pass. But my core, my soul will remains intact, only my EGO would have been bruised or had taken a beating.

My EGO is not me. My job is not me. My wealth is not me. My physical appearance is not me. My forms are not me! My unhappiness is caused by my attachment to forms which only serves to strengthen the ego. So when so called negative events occur, my EGO is threatened. I may have lost my wealth, youth or no longer valued by certain quarters. EGO will have a hard time adjusting to this new reality but my very core remains intact. It will still be here when I am no longer housed in this current form (body). So this is how I will remind myself when ‘negative’ event strikes: My fortunes may change but not my core, my soul. I am still here, still the same soul that exists before the ‘negative’ and will still be here when the ‘negative’ passes over. Events are fleeting but I am eternal.

Happiness brings Unhappiness. Experience JOY, travel inwards.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Some Things Are Better left Unsaid

In my effort to be helpful, honest and real, I have managed to rain on other people's parade. Yes, my frankness has earned me labels like ‘negative’, ‘not supportive’ and even mean-spirited.

When I give my honest and frank views, people will generally still be polite and appear receptive. But little did I know that I was no longer in their ‘A’ list of people to go to for ideas as I have proven to be just a pesky, nasty wet blanket who just want to bring others down with my negativity.

I discovered that when someone has made a decision, perhaps the best thing to do is to just congratulate them and not to remind them that perhaps it wasn’t exactly the best of decisions, nor even to alert them of the dangers lurking ahead. People prefer to hear the good stuff. They don’t want to hear bad news and they certainly do not appreciate the bearer of bad news.

The truth can be ugly and not everyone is able to handle it. If the ugly truth be told and it is contrary to their cherished beliefs, people will have to revisit their values and decisions. This makes some people uncomfortable and even angry that their values and beliefs have been challenged. For if their beliefs turned out to be wrong, they are in big trouble as they have made decisions based on those beliefs. Rather than being wrong, many people would rather be angry with the bearer of bad news for even suggesting that they may be in the wrong.

This is the lesson I’ve learned. I have decided to still be honest and real with those who actually ASKED for my honest and real opinions and to those I’m very concerned about. Otherwise I will still be frank and honest but will edit out the so called ‘negative’ portion of my views. This means that they will hear only the things they want to hear and not the total truth as I see it.

This bring home another point. It is not my business to make people see the truth as I see it. They have their own truths and will experience their truth in their own time and space.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Blessings of Smallness

Another great article by Chellie Campbell. It articulates very well some of my deepest beliefs about work and work-life balance.

There are great blessings in being small. Besides being more comfortable with a smaller level of risk, I know what the difference is between speaking to groups of twelve and speaking to groups of hundreds or thousands. When I speak to large groups, it is a performance. It is like an actor’s performance in a play. There is communication, but it is on a different level. Often, the audience is in the dark, and the spotlight in my eyes means I can’t see them. I hear them when they laugh at my jokes, and I feel the energy when they’re with me emotionally. I like the applause and it’s certainly a big thrill when I get a standing ovation.

But those benefits would not sustain me over the long haul. The experience is, in the end, impersonal. If I have inspired or motivated someone to change their life, I don’t know about it. I don’t hear the stories of the people in the audience. I think that is why performing bored me during a long run. The part of acting I enjoyed most was the rehearsal period. That’s when the actors, director, and production team invented the show, worked out bits of business, and tried different approaches. That was swimming in the creative current, catching the flow of the piece and bouncing along on the raft with the other artists. The reason I’ve been able to teach my workshops for over fifteen years without losing interest or becoming bored, is because of the individual participants who share their stories with me and allow me to participate with them in shaping their lives. I learn from them as much as they learn from me. It is interactive. It is creative. It is personal. That is what is fulfilling and fun for me.

Staying small means I continue to have the personal interaction I want, and freedom, too. I can structure my life so that work is more part-time and I have more time off to read, travel and play. As I get more successful, I can add a few more people in the workshops. Once the current session is filled up to capacity, I can fill up future workshops. Perhaps one day they could be filled up for six months or a year in advance. Then I would only have to show up to teach the classes and could lighten up on all the other tasks like networking, enrollment calls, etc. I don’t do one-on-one coaching, because I determined that the more successful I got, the more hours would be filled up with coaching sessions, and then I would run out of time and have a waiting list. And I’d be working 40-50 hours a week. That isn’t my model for success because although it meets the income goals, it doesn’t meet the life goals. My life goal has to include more free time for me—not more time devoted to the business. Not more calls and more networking and more pushing to get bigger venues filled to pay more salaries and more rent for more space and more phones and more personnel to answer them and and and…

This work model means I work fewer hours as I get more successful, instead of more hours. I like that—how about you? But my goals don’t fit everyone. There are no one-size-fits-all goals.

My friends and clients have said to me, “Chellie, you could have a television show, too!” I always say, “No, thanks!” I don’t want to have my own show. I want to appear on someone else’s show. Dr. Phil had a once-a-week gig on Oprah for two years. That was a perfect set-up in my opinion. He has his own show now, and I’m glad for him, if that’s what he wants. But to me, that just looks like too much work. What good is a lot more money and fame if you don’t have time off to enjoy it?

It was the same when I was acting. I always liked the second lead parts—the funny, dancing lead—better than the leading lady roles. I’d much rather play feisty Ado Annie than lovelorn Laurie in Oklahoma, or perky Gladys in The Pajama Game rather than the soppy love interest. Once in summer stock, a director wanted to cast me as Wendy in Peter Pan. He sought me out and announced his casting decision to me happily, thinking I’d be delighted since Wendy was a leading role. “Yuck,” I said. “Can’t I do Tiger Lily instead? Wendy’s on stage all the time and doesn’t even have a song, and Tiger Lily has two!” He was very surprised by that, but thankfully, he let me have my way. I had fun, got a lot of attention, and didn’t have to work too hard. “Ug-a-wug-WAH!”

The lesson is to know what you want so you can pick the path that will lead you there. Don’t be blinded by the glitter of the wrappings. Look within the box at the real present inside the package. Then decide if that’s what you really want. It doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks that’s the best goal in the world, if getting it won’t make you happy or fulfilled. And it doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks your goal is crazy, either. Do you think Marta’s friends and family thought it was a fine idea for her to buy a theater in a ghost town and paint an audience on the walls of it to perform for? Your goal is your goal you don’t have to answer to anyone else about whether it’s the right goal or the best goal. It’s your goal, and that’s all that counts.

To be fair, there is a downside to being small. Some people may discount you, pay you no attention, think you’d be bigger if you could be, think you’re a failure, and chide you for not honoring the adage “Go big or go home.”

Let them. Who cares if they don’t understand you? Let them discover for themselves that contentment can be found in small things; that your mom was right when she told you that big presents often come in small packages. Zillionaires can be big or small. It all depends on whether or not you are being true to your inner goals. Here is the one-question test: Are you happy?

My goal now is to be a Wise Woman. I want to help others find the wisdom within themselves so that they can live a good and honorable life, full of riches—interior ones and exterior ones. I don’t have to change the world and I don’t have to be famous. I will help the people who find me; the people who want what I have. And I will help them find their own-size goals, not necessarily world-size goals. If one of my books becomes a bestseller that will be great, because that will mean I’m helping a lot of people. I’ll make a lot of money, too, and that is certainly a fine thing. But if it is only treasured by a few, it is just as worthwhile to me, because I care about each reader and want to feel I have helped them. The Wealthy Spirit hasn’t qualified for bestseller status, yet I have received thousands of letters of thanks and appreciation from readers that have warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Those letters, and the fun I have with the process of writing, are enough to satisfy me.

Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. He was way off. With all the reality shows, interview shows, talk shows, shout shows, 500 channels on television, and a million magazines and their constant barrages about food, money and sex, everyone only gets fifteen seconds now. Everyone promises you the moon and the millions. I get email ads from authors every day, saying “Buy my book on amazon.com on Friday and I’ll become a #1 bestseller (for a day) and in return, I’ll send you $8,500 worth of free gifts!” Why do you have to bribe me with $8,500 in free gifts to buy a $20 book? Can’t a $20 book just be a great $20 value? T. Harv said that Robert Kiyosaki told him he wanted to have the best-selling book, not the best written book. Does it have to be an either-or proposition? It’s all too much. Too much hype, too much stuff, too many people. Not enough life. Not enough joy. Not enough Zillionaire.

In their futurist book, The 500 Year Delta, Watts Wacker and Jim Taylor with Howard Means state that “What society has always treasured is what is scarce. The old status objects are all over the place, begging to be bought. Satisfaction and domestic contentment have rarity, and rarity, as always, has the greatest value.” This book was published in 1997, but I never forgot this passage: “If you want status, walk into a room and announce that, amidst the ambient chaos of our times, you’re a happy person.”

I’ve found that happy people never have to make that declaration. You can smell it on them. You can see it in their eyes; you can feel the energy of the joy that pours from them. I used to hunger for that, and tried the diets and the high heels and the status jobs in order to get it. But those aren’t the things that get it for you. When you find the work that makes you sing, and helps others to sing along with you—that’s where happiness lies. Whatever someone else might say about me or my “success”, I know that I’ve never been happier in my life. I’m living my life the way I want, I’m doing the work I want, and I have enough of the things I want.

I don’t have to be all things to all people. I can be something to some people. I am delighted with the dolphins that have found my work helpful to them. How many of them there are will be the result of grassroots word-of-mouth, not because I pay the most money for the biggest advertising campaign, the most email spam, or the most appearances on television. Some 300,000 books are published every year. Who’s going to buy all those books? I’m not going to run around frantically hyping my books, saying “Pick me! Pick me!” I love to talk, so I’ll do book signings and I’ll give a few speeches. If I’m lucky, I’ll do some radio shows, and if I’m really lucky, I’ll be on television shows. I will radiate my joy and love and helpfulness as much as I can. My job, as my coach Greg Mooers says, is to “glow purple.” Then everyone who wants purple will be attracted to that and come find me. I am content to be rare.

It’s because I love myself now, that I can love my life. Because I love myself, I can love you. If accolades come, that’ll be fun. If I get a little taste of fame, that’ll be fun, too. More money, more fun. But my life is fun anyway. Do you see?

What do you want, Zillionaire? Why do you want it? How is your life without it? What is important to you when night falls? The purpose of work is to be happy at home. Home isn’t a support to make you better at your job. Your spouse and your children aren’t there to get stuff done for you so that you can work harder, longer hours. They aren’t irritations. They are your heart. They are your life. Make sure your goals include loving and nurturing them, or you are spending your energy on wrappings instead of gifts.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

A Time For Gratitude

I’m taking a moment to thank the Creator for the life I’ve led so far, warts and all

I am blessed and have many things to be grateful for. However I’m most thankful for the transformation that has happened and is still happening inside of me. I’m probably what you would call a tiny toddler (in spiritual terms) finding my way in this big, big world. As I gain more wisdom, the world becomes less unfriendly and has in fact become an ally.

I’m in a very good space right now. I’m doing things that I love and have enough time to pursue my interests. I have learnt that when my plate is less than full, I gained more. Because I do not have such a tight and full schedule, I have more time and energy to focus and reflect on my life and correct what’s not working. The outcome is a new, improved and happier me!

Nothing holds dearer to me than my happiness. If I’m not happy, I cannot be of good to anyone.

So thank you GOD and continue to shower me with your LOVE, GRACE and BLESSINGS!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Ithaca


When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your heart does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithaca mean.


Constantine Cavafy (1863-1933)
translated by Rae Dalven

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

TRUTH

Lately I’ve been thinking about the notion of understanding with your heart and not your mind. It is akin to the phrase “you see but did not notice”.

It has become more and more apparent to me that most people, myself included, spout these new age /spiritual wisdom without true understanding and not really living out these wisdom. We speak of it as if we live and breathe it. But alas, for the most part and much to my dismay, we understand it with our heads but not with our hearts. We preach and can give all the right reasons why it works but somehow failing miserably to live it.

Perhaps we are so desperate to be in the elite league of ‘enlightened beings’.

But it could be an honest mistake on our part, and truly believing that we not only understood the essence of these wisdom but are actually living them out. Alas, we, as always, are not fully aware of our own actions and failings.

I cringe whenever I think about those times when I dispense and spout wisdom I knew nothing about (which I vigorously thought I did). I’m equally amused and sometimes saddened and irritated by people who speak these truths and acted holier than thou but does exactly the opposite and gives out advice that were totally inappropriate.

I guess this is the learning journey as we acquaint ourselves with these wisdom, to experience and practice it in the real world (as opposed to just ideas in our heads) and approximate our actions and understanding, albeit so slowly, to real understanding both with our hearts and minds.

Free advice is cheap and no one wants to hear it. How true!!!! Nowadays, I have learnt to restraint myself from giving advice at the slightest opportunity available unless someone actually ask for it. I’m more modest about sharing my “knowledge” and dispense advice with extreme caution. I have seen people taking and believing in advice that were totally unsuitable for them with tragic consequences. There is nothing wrong with the advice per say, just wrong for that person.

There are TRUTHS and there are TRUTHS. We all have to find our TRUTHS. Others just serve as a model for us to emulate but not to copy wholesale.

So I will go forth finding my TRUTHS and be so very careful to impose and preach my TRUTHS. I also want to spend my energy living out my truths rather than spending it preaching and converting others to my truths. They have to find their truths.

TRUTH…… here I come!

Friday, June 01, 2007

Forgive and Forget?!?!?

Forgive and Forget.

Is that really possible? I'm not talking about angels or saints but mere mortal like us. So is it possible? Or is it some high ideals that we should strive for?

I believe that "to forgive is divine". For one thing, forgiving is a necessary part of the healing process for both the offender and the aggrieved party. Forgiving someone releases you as much as it releases the offending party. Secondly , forgiving does not equal to condoning the offending act. So to me it is OK to forgive the offender cos it does not mean that I approve nor condone the hateful act. Like I said earlier, it is necessary for the healing process to take place. It releases us of the hate, anger, hostlity and all the unecessary baggage that we would otherwise have to carry all our life.

However it can be rather difficult to forgive someone for the crime/injustice /pain/harm etc that they have inflicted on us. As part of the forgiving process, I try to walk a mile in the guilty party's shoes. I remind myself that everyone , including myself, is always doing the best that they can given the knowledge and resources that they have at that particular time.

My litmus test for forgiveness is when I do not harbour any more ill will or revenge towards the offending party. Neither will I go into a rage or hate mode whenever memories of the unfortunate events strike.

Anyhow, try forgiving someone. See how light you become as a result of that.

It is the forgetting part that I have a problem with. Can one truly forget? Wipe the slate clean and start all over again as if nothing happens. It may be possible for minor transgression but for the really big ones, is it possible?

My take on this is that I can and may forgive but I cannot forget. I believe that one should come out wiser from every situation. So if I have been conned by someone, then I will be careful the second time around. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

So readers, any thoughts? Do let me know.

Cheers

Let go and Let GOD

I have always been intrigued by the issue of Fate Vs Free Will. Is everything all predestined or that there is some higher power working out every details of my life?

But I guess I have come full circle on this issue. I used to grow up with this strong indoctrination that Life is predestined and to accept everything with grace. However at that tender age, it was too much for my bloated ego to accept that I'm powerless to shape and mould my life. I subscribe and endear myself to the concept that "We are the Masters of Our Fate"

However, life experieneces have taught me that sometimes, despite some of my best efforts, I'm unable to steer and direct my life to some acceptable outcome. Sure, for every failure, there's a gift(lesson) waiting for me to discover. But that is exactly the point. It was NOT meant to be. So I can try but the outcome has already been decided.

So where do I go from here if I'm powerless over my Life?

1. Accept with grace cos everything is happening in PERFECT order. I'm supposed to experience all that I'm experiencing in the exact same order that it is happenning.

2. Learn to really embrace from all the experiences(good and bad) and relish it. I have learnt that when I let go and let GOD, miracles do happen and that Life is not so tough after all. I become more at peace and able to enjoy my life to a higher degree than ever before.

3. Since I do not know the outcome of life, I might as well enjoy the process.

4.Nowadays I just do what feels right for me. The outcome is for GOD to decide, not me. Sure I have a preference for the outcome but I'm not so hung up anymore on the outcome in that a certain outcome has to happen for me to feel and be ok. I will be OK and can be OK with the outcome cos that is exactly the outcome that i need to find my life lessons.

5. I believe that life is a series of experiences (both good and bad) for me to experience to enrich my life. So no matter what I do or happens to me, I try to experienece the experience fully and not resist FATE and wish that things could be different. This is tough though cos I still wish sometimes that certain events do not happen the way it did. But you know what, I'm just a human being, not perfect.And the good news is that i expend less and less energy on resisting fate and more and more on finding how I can benefit from the situation. When Life hands me a lemon, I make Lemonade!

So I'm still travelling on this Life's journey and trying to soak in all the magical wonders that the world has to offer.

Cheers

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Truly Inspiring Speech

This speech was passesd to me by a good friend. I personally found the speech inspiring. There were so many gems and nuggets of wisdom in this truly awesome speech.

The speech left me with a warm feel-good glow after reading it and I am more certain than ever that only I know what is truly best for me and that I should alway trust my own little voice, no matter what. Believe in myself and keep it real, and should I fail, so be it. For what is more valuable is my INTEGRITY .

I urge you to read it as part of your journey in unlocking life's wisdom. It is worth the effort. Guaranteed.

Carly Fiorina's (EX CEO of HP) Commencement Address

Here's what she told the graduates and their guests at the North Carolina Agricultural & Technical State University

Thank you, Chancellor, and good morning. I'd like to join Chancellor Renick in welcoming all of you to the 114th commencement exercises of North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University.

My fellow job seekers : I am honored to be among the first to congratulate you on completing your years at North Carolina A&T. But all of you should know: as Mother's Day gifts go, this one is going to be tough to beat in the years ahead.

The purpose of a commencement speaker is to dispense wisdom. But the older I get, the more I realize that the most important wisdom I've learned in life has come from my mother and my father. Before we go any further, let's hear it one more time for your mothers and mother figures, fathers and father figures, family, and friends in the audience today.

When I first received the invitation to speak here, I was the CEO of an $80 billion Fortune 11 company with 145,000 employees in 178 countries around the world. I held that job for nearly six years. It was also a company that hired its fair share of graduates from North Carolina A&T. You could always tell who they were. For some reason, they were the
ones that had stickers on their desks that read, " Beat the Eagles. "

But as you may have heard, I don't have that job anymore. After the news of my departure broke, I called the school, and asked: do you still want me to come and be your commencement speaker?

Chancellor Renick put my fears to rest. He said, " Carly, if anything, you probably have more in common with these students now than you did before. " And he's right. After all, I've been working on my resume. I've been lining up my references. I bought a new interview suit. If there are any recruiters here, I'll be free around 11.

I want to thank you for having me anyway. This is the first public appearance I've made since I left HP. I wanted very much to be here because this school has always been set apart by something that I've believed very deeply; something that takes me back to the earliest
memories I have in life.

One day at church, my mother gave me a small coaster with a saying on it. During my entire childhood, I kept this saying in front of me on a small desk in my room. In fact, I can still show you that coaster today. It says: " What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God. "

Those words have had a huge impact on me to this day. What this school and I believe in very deeply is that when we think about our lives, we shouldn't be limited by other people's stereotypes or bigotry. Instead, we should be motivated by our own sense of possibility. We should be motivated by our own sense of accomplishment. We should be motivated by what we believe we can become. Jesse Jackson has taught us; Ronald McNair taught us; the Greensboro Four taught us; that the people who focus on possibilities achieve much more in life than people who focus on limitations.

The question for all of you today is : how will you define what you make of yourself?

To me, what you make of yourself is actually two questions. There's the "you" that people see on the outside. And that's how most people will judge you, because it's all they can see - what you become in life, whether you were made President of this, or CEO of that, the visible you.

But then, there's the invisible you, the "you" on the inside. That's the person that only you and God can see. For 25 years, when people have asked me for career advice, what I always tell them is don't give up what you have inside. Never sell your soul - because no one can ever pay you back.

What I mean by not selling your soul is don't be someone you're not, don't be less than you are, don't give up what you believe, because whatever the consequences that may seem scary or bad -- whatever the consequences of staying true to yourself are -- they are much better than the consequences of selling your soul.

You have been tested mightily in your life to get to this moment. And all of you know much better than I do: from the moment you leave this campus, you will be tested. You will be tested because you won't fit some people's pre-conceived notions or stereotypes of what you're supposed to be, of who you're supposed to be. People will have stereotypes of what you can or can't do, of what you will or won't do, of what you should or shouldn't do. But they only have power over you if you let them have power over you. They can only have control if you let them have control, if you give up what's inside. I speak from experience. I've been there. I've been there, in admittedly vastly different ways -- and in many ways, in the fears in my heart, exactly the same places. The truth is I've struggled to have that sense of control since the day I left college.

I was afraid the day I graduated from college. I was afraid of what people would think. Afraid I couldn't measure up. I was afraid of making the wrong choices. I was afraid of disappointing the people who had worked so hard to send me to college.

I had graduated with a degree in medieval history and philosophy. If you had a job that required knowledge of Copernicus or 12th Century European monks, I was your person. But that job market wasn't very strong.

So, I was planning to go to law school, not because it was a lifelong dream - because I thought it was expected of me. Because I realized that I could never be the artist my mother was, so I would try to be the lawyer my father was. So, I went off to law school. For the first three months, I barely slept. I had a blinding headache every day. And I can tell you exactly which shower tile I was looking at in my parent's bathroom on a trip home when it hit me like a lightning bolt. This is my life. I can do what I want. I have control. I walked downstairs and said, " I quit. "

I will give my parents credit in some ways. That was 1976. They could have said, " Oh well, you can get married. " Instead, they said, " We're worried that you'll never amount to anything. " It took me a while to prove them wrong. My first job was working for a brokerage firm. I had a title. It was not "VP." It was "receptionist." I answered phones, I typed, I filed. I did that for a year. And then, I went and lived in Italy, teaching English to Italian businessmen and their families. I discovered that I liked business. I liked the pragmatism of it; the pace of it. Even though it hadn't been my goal, I became a businessperson.

I like big challenges, and the career path I chose for myself at the beginning was in one of the most male-dominated professions in America. I went to work for AT&T. It didn't take me long to realize that there were many people there who didn't have my best interests at heart.

I began my career as a first level sales person within AT&T's long lines department. Now, "long lines" is what we used to call the long distance business, but I used to refer to the management team at AT&T as the "42 longs" - which was their suit size, and all those suits - and faces - looked the same.

I'll never forget the first time my boss at the time introduced me to a client. With a straight face, he said " this is Carly Fiorina, our token bimbo. " I laughed, I did my best to dazzle the client, and then I went to the boss when the meeting was over and said, " You will never do that to me again. "

In those early days, I was put in a program at the time called the Management Development Program. It was sort of an accelerated up-or-out program, and I was thrown into the middle of a group of all male sales managers who had been there quite a long time, and they thought it was their job to show me a thing or two. A client was coming to town and we had decided that we were getting together for lunch to introduce me to this customer who was important to one of my accounts.

Now the day before this meeting was to occur, one of my male colleagues came to me and said, " You know, Carly, I'm really sorry. I know we've had this planned for a long time, but this customer has a favorite restaurant here in Washington, D.C., and they really want to go to that restaurant, and we need to do what the customer wants, and so I don't think you'll be able to join us."

"Why is that?" I asked. Well, the restaurant was called the Board Room. Now, the Board Room back then was a restaurant on Vermont Avenue in Washington, D.C., and it was a strip club. In fact, it was famous because the young women who worked there would wear these completely see-through baby doll negligees, and they would dance on top of the tables while the patrons ate lunch.

The customer wanted to go there, and so my male colleagues were going there. So I thought about it for about two hours. I remember sitting in the ladies room thinking, "Oh God, what am I going to do? And finally I came back and said, "You know, I hope it won't make you too uncomfortable, but I think I'm going to come to lunch anyway."

Now, I have to tell you I was scared to death. So the morning arrived when I had to go to the Board Room and meet my client, and I chose my outfit carefully. I dressed in my most conservative suit. I carried a briefcase like a shield of honor. I got in a cab. When I told the taxi driver where I wanted to go he whipped around in his seat and said, "You're kidding right?" I think he thought I was a new act.

In any event, I arrived, I got out, I took a deep breath, I straightened my bow tie, and went in the door - and you have to picture this - I go into the door, there's a long bar down one side, there's a stage right in front of me, and my colleagues are sitting way on the other side of the room. And there's a live act going on the stage. The only way I could get to them was to walk along that stage. I did. I looked like a complete idiot. I sat down, we had lunch.

Now, there are two ends to that story. One is that my male colleagues never did that to me again. But the other end to the story, which I still find inspiring, is that all throughout lunch they kept trying to get those young women to dance in their negligees on top of our table and every one of those young women came over, looked the situation over and said, "Not until the lady leaves."

It even followed me to HP. As you may know, the legend of HP is that it began in a garage. When I took over, we launched a get-back-to-basics campaign we called "the rules of the garage." A fellow CEO at a competitor saw that and decided to do a skit about me. In front of the entire financial analyst and media community, he had an actress come out with blond hair and long red nails and flashy clothes, and had a garage fall on her head. It made big headlines locally. It made me feel a lot like the "token bimbo" all over again.

I know all of you have your own stories. When you challenge other people's ideas of who or how you should be, they may try to diminish and disgrace you. It can happen in small ways in hidden places, or in big ways on a world stage. You can spend a lifetime resenting the tests, angry about the slights and the injustices. Or, you can rise above it. People's ideas and fears can make them small - but they cannot make you small. People's prejudices can diminish them - but they cannot diminish you. Small-minded people can think they determine your worth. But only you can determine your worth.

At every step along the way, your soul will be tested. Every test you pass will make you stronger.

But let's not be naïve. Sometimes, there are consequences to not selling your soul. Sometimes, there are consequences to staying true to what you believe. And sometimes, those consequences are very difficult. But as long as you understand the consequences and accept the consequences, you are not only stronger as a result, you're more at peace.

Many people have asked me how I feel now that I've lost my job. The truth is, I'm proud of the life I've lived so far, and though I've made my share of mistakes, I have no regrets. The worst thing I could have imagined happened. I lost my job in the most public way possible, and the press had a field day with it all over the world. And guess what? I'm still here. I am at peace and my soul is intact. I could have given it away and the story would be different. But I heard the word of Scripture in my head: "What benefit will it be to you if you gain the whole world, but lose your soul?"

When people have stereotypes of what you can't do, show them what you can do. When they have stereotypes of what you won't do, show them what you will do. Every time you pass these tests, you learn more about yourself. Every time you resist someone else's smaller notion of who you really are, you test your courage and your endurance. Each time you endure, and stay true to yourself, you become stronger and better.

I do not know any of you personally. But as a businessperson and a former CEO, I know that people who have learned to overcome much can achieve more than people who've never been tested. And I do know that this school has prepared you well. After all, North Carolina A&T graduates more African Americans with engineering degrees than any other school in the United States. It graduates more African American technology professionals than any other school. It graduates more African American women who go into careers in science, math, and technology than any other school. Your motto is right: North Carolina A&T is truly a national resource and a local treasure.And Aggie Pride is not just a slogan - it's a hard-earned fact!

Never sell your education short. And the fact that this school believed in you means you should never sell yourself short. What I have learned in 25 years of managing people is that everyone possesses more potential than they realize. Living life defined by your own sense of possibility, not by others notions of limitations, is the path to success.

Starting today, you are one of the most promising things America has to offer : you are an Aggie with a degree.

My hope is that you live life defined by your own sense of possibility, your own sense of worth, your own sense of your soul. Define yourself for yourself, not by how others are going to define you - and then stick to it. Find your own internal compass. I use the term compass, because what does a compass do? When the winds are howling, and the storm raging, and the sky is so cloudy you have nothing to navigate by, a compass tells you where true North is. And I think when you are in a lonely situation, you have to rely on that compass. Who am I? What do I believe? Do I believe I am doing the right thing for the right reason in the best way that I can? Sometimes, that's all you have. And always, it will be enough.

Most people will judge you by what they see on the outside. Only you and God will know what's on the inside. But at the end of your life, if people ask you what your greatest accomplishment was, my guess is, it will be something that happened inside you, that no one else ever saw, something that had nothing to do with outside success, and everything to do with how you decide to live in the world.

What you are today is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God. He is waiting for that gift right now. Make it something extraordinary.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Another reason to TRAVEL

I have always been a champion for taking time off from work and travel the world. To my credit I have travelled a fair bit spanning from Europe to Asia to even South America.These travels have enriched my life in more ways than I could possibly imagined. Truly no amount of money could have been enough to match those wonderful experiences and memories.

A friend of mine once commented that traveling when you are young (and restless?) is a completely different experience when you are doing it in your golden years (too many people are waiting to travel only when they are retired).

How TRUE!! Whe you are young, you get to see and do more ;) there are absolutely certain activities ;) that you can't do with advancing age :(

But more importantly, we cannot recapture time and lost youth.

Here's an excerpt from Chellie ( http://www.thewealthyspirit.com ) who further reiterates my point:

Riverboat Ramblings (or "What I Did On My Summer Vacation")
By Chellie Campbell

"Of journeying the benefits are many: the freshness it bringeth to the heart, the seeing and hearing of marvelous things, the delight of beholding new cities, the meeting of unknown friends, and the learning of high manners."—Sadi Gulistan

"I'm going on spring vacation!" I crowed to a friend at a luncheon.

"Oh, I'm much too busy," she groaned. "I haven't been on a vacation in six years."

I looked at her, horrified. "You don't get them back, you know," I told her. "It isn't like you save up and some year you get six vacations. The ones you don't take you lose forever."

The shocked realization that surfaced on her face told me she understood.

I've had that same conversation with many people, including myself! Sometimes I think I just have too much work (or opportunities for work, which is endless) to be able to get away. But I have to. I need to refresh myself, see more of the world so that I maintain a balanced perspective of my life and where it all fits in the scheme of things.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Sending out SHIPS

Below are excerpts from the Wealthy Spirit by Chellie Campbell. I have personally benefitted from her wisdom especially during the time when I had just left my job and was striking out on my own.
"You can have everything you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want"  Zig Ziglar
When you are not getting, give. Then watch your dam break, and the flood of good flow over you. 
Thinking positive is the first step to living rich, inside and out. But it is not enough. You have to take action to achieve your goals. I call this 'Sending Out Ships"
 
Q: How long do I have to send out the ships?
A: How long do you want to eat?
 
The lessons of FAMINE or FEAST
1.Send out ships everyday
2. When a lot of ships come in at once, hire a crew to help you unload.
3. Send out ships everyday.
 
We are only in charge of sending out ships. GOD is in charge of which of those ships come in. And on what time table.
 
Here's another excerpt from her newsletter
 
Dear Dolphins,

      Ship Ahoy!  Just when you think most of your ships are lost at sea, ships you thought had sunk long ago sail proudly into port carrying treasures for you. 
     
 I recently received an email from Ann, an editor at "First For Women" magazine.  Ann had found an email from me about "The Glad Game" that I had sent last summer to a different editor.  That editor didn't use the piece, and now she is no longer with the magazine.  Ann, her replacement, found what I had written, liked it, and asked if I would still be interested in having the story featured in their magazine.  Well, duh!  I said yes really fast, and the article is scheduled for the May 10th issue look for it!  
    
 Then I got a call from Lynn Richardson, who hosts a radio show Saturday mornings on wvon 1450 in Chicago called "The Real Deal".  She recently started a book club on the show, and she told me they are using "The Wealthy Spirit" every day for the next year, practicing the affirmations daily.  A friend of hers in Atlanta had sent her my book.  I happily agreed to do an interview on the radio with her and it was great fun.  Another call came in from Yolanda Gaskins for an appearance on her xmradio "Love and Money" segment in Washington, D.C.  A reader had recommended me and voila!  Another great radio interview.
    
 Did all of these opportunities just come to me "out of the blue"?  No.  And neither do yours.  They are ships you sent sailing out long ago, maybe forgotten, maybe a little battered for all the rough waters, but here they come sailing back again after all, bringing you gifts.
    
Remember that when you want to give up in despair, looking at the empty dock that your ships are out there, just beyond the horizon, with your name on them.  Some come in quickly, and some feel like the "slow boat to China."  Just relax and remember that no energy is lost every positive ship you send out comes back to you laden with treasure eventually.       
    
Thank you for swimming with me.  May all your ships come in today!
Love and blessings,

Chellie


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Law Of The Seeds

LAW OF THE SEEDS
Author Unknown

Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five
hundred apples on the tree and each apple has
ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds!

We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to
grow just a few more apple trees?"

Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling
us: "Not all seeds grow. In life, most seeds never
grow. So if you really want to make something happen,
you had better try more than once."

This might mean:
You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job. You'll
interview forty people to find one good employee.
You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, one
car, one vacuum cleaner, one insurance policy, or a
business idea. And you might meet a hundred
acquaintances just to find one special friend .

When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get
so disappointed. We stop feeling like victims. We
learn how to deal with things that happen to us.

Laws of nature are not things to take personally. We
just need to understand them - and work with them.

IN A NUTSHELL
Successful people fail more often. But they plant more
seeds.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

If you have spare change...

This is a public service announcement. You have been warned :)

This posting is dedicated to my good friend (you know who you are) with the best of intention. I am compelled to write this message after an outing with this good friend of mine. Of late he has been doing very well at office and has been amply rewarded financially for his good work.

Of course I do not know the extent of his good fortune until he bought a PRADA accesssory that resembles a deer horn (looks like a skeletal hand to me!). The (plastic?) item (about 6 cm long) was to be hung around a bag (PRADA bag?) or around your jeans etc. The 'deer horn' costs something like S$500.

I was appalled. To me this was a totally unecessary purchase cos if you do have excess money or have funds over and above what is needed for a decent /comfortable living (clearly my friend does if he could splurge S$500 on a 'deer horn') then I think it is our responsibility to at least give back to the world some of our good fortune. I told my friend exactly what I thought. I felt that it was irresponsible if we do not share some of our good fortune with the world when we clearly have more than enough.

If you have spare change, do spare a thought for the less fortunate. Too many unfortunate and terrible things are happening in this world. You can do your part to alleviate some of the sufferings in this world.

You can make a difference. No amount is too little nor any effort too small. I will leave you with the Starfish story. Maybe you remember it:

A small boy was running along a beach after a great storm which had washed up thousands upon thousands of starfish. He picked up as many as he could, one by one, throwing them back into the sea to save their lives.

An old man, watching this, waited until the boy was close enough and then asked:

"What are you doing?"

"I'm putting the starfish back," replied the boy, "or they will die."

"Why bother?" said the man, "the few you manage to save out of so many cannot possibly make much difference."

The boy looked at the man as only a child can, stooped down and picked up another starfish and threw it purposefully into the sea. "It will make a difference to that one," he said.

Sharing your good fortune is just a click away. Look to my LINKS (on the right) for some possible sites (United Nation World Food Program, Red Cross,. Sponsor a child etc) for you to share with the world the many blessings that you have received.

Do the right thing. It's a good feeling being able to help others, not to mention the good KARMA you'll receive :)

"You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give" Winston Churchill

Take care & GOD Bless

PS: Do check out the Charity Navigator website (see LINKS) to find out the best bang for your donation money.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Be Thankful

BE THANKFUL ....... By Author Unknown

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times,
because during those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Is ENOUGH ever ENOUGH?

The above question has plaqued me for the better part of my life. I was always trying to better myself and nothing was ever good enough. I guess it stems from insecurity but also from my idealised (or warped) notion of perfection.

Therefore I was greatly relieved and comforted when I chanced upon this great quote from Dr Rachael Naomi Remen:

"I know that I am enough. Not Perfect. Perfect would not be enough. But that I am human, and that is enough"

More words of wisdom from Dr Rachael.....

"The pursuit of perfection has become a major addiction of our time. Fortunately, perfectionism is learned. No one is born a perfectionist. (When I was a perfectionist) I experienced that I and everyone else was always falling short, that who we are and what we did was never quite good enough. I sat in judgement of life itself. Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken."

Dr Rachael went on to say that some people pursue perfection "to earn love. Of course LOVE is never earned. It is a grace we give one another. Anything we need to earn is only APPROVAL.

Finally another gem from Dr Racheal:

Ultimately seeking perfection is "not the secret to a life worth remembering. They don't make you lovable. Or whole. WHOLENESS lies beyond perfection".

Monday, November 06, 2006

My Brazillian Trip Photos

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Sunday, November 05, 2006

Hi World!

This is my space for my view of the world according to me. This is also my virgin attempt at blogging ... a dinosaur at work :)

I hope to share my views and look forward to hear some of of your views. As we journey thru this sometimes lonely and difficult life, it is would be good to have some network of 'angels' to share our laughter, trials and tribulations.

So till next time, take care!
http://www.emailcashpro.com
You read your mails everyday, why not read a few more?
Give it a try, it is FREE anyway.
http://www.emailcashpro.com/?r=Roslan
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